Date: 1st July 2007 at 10:29am
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Would you have thought that Alan Smith was going to leave United? OK, it’s not a big shock. Who will replace him?

It seems that sufficient amount of time has passed since the announcement of signing Hargreaves, Anderson and Nani. The papers at last are approaching full flight in terms of publishing rumours about our beloved club.

First, it is Alan Smith – perhaps it will be best for all if I do not name all the clubs that are after him. Oh, well, let’s have a try: Everton, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Sunderland, Aston Villa, Portsmouth.

Newcastle have the best chance of landing him but only if they are ready to let Michael Owen go in the other direction. The former Liverpool man is almost a cert to join us, according to not-so-credible sources.

It must be a cunning plan from Fergie: we’ll have two strikers, namely Saha and Owen, who are capable of great things and we can always look forward with anticipation to their return from the injury they struggle at that time. It ensures that we, fans, stay motivated and accept that even if things are not going well, we can improve with these two returning.

Of course they never return unlike Roy Keane who will visit Old Trafford as early as September and wil be able to field Kieran Richardson if he wins the race for him ahead of Everton. What a fascinating reunion it would be as if my memory serves correctly, it was our unforgettable Keano who declared that Richardson was in fact a lazy Bentley Baby.

Speaking of lazy people, Liverpool are ready to bid for Gabriel Heinze – I’d rather the one who published this would be hung, drawn and quartered. Fabio Aurelio and Riise cover the left-back position at Liverpool so a move to Real Madrid is the only sensible option for Heinze, apart from staying here – that would be the best. And why would he go to Liverpool if proper teams are after him, too?

Liverpool are almost certain to sign Fernando Torres but still want Carlos Tevez, too – unsurprising if we consider that they have a ‘strikeforce’ of Crouch, Kuyt, Bellamy and… that’s all. Tevez snubbed Inter, expressed his desire to play for Real Madrid so it’s only logical that Arsenal, United and Liverpool are set to fight for his services, isn’t it?

Precisely the same clubs (OK, one of them) will buy Jermaine Defoe now that Spurs have paid about Ł456,738,245M for Darren Bent.

And finally, we signed two Nigerian teenagers though there’s been no kind of official confirmation in that case. Okoro Osagepamwen and Kelechi Kalu are 18 years old and their agent insists they impressed on trials and signed for United.

We’ll see but they will have to wait long if they want a chant or a song. Imagine Stretford End chanting ‘There’s only one Osagepamwen’