Date: 17th March 2007 at 8:40pm
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Gary Neville will miss three weeks after suffering an ankle injury during the 4-1 victory over Bolton.

I looked it up but unfortunately, no Premier League rule forbids the use of magical instruments, such as voodoo figurines, as long as they are not carried onto the pitch. This is a serious problem, as I’m pretty sure that José Mourinho uses something like the Dark Side of the Force against us.

The Portuguese manager, who’s not one to discard the option of turning to the supernatural, had commented we were lucky throughout the season as our key players remained injury-free. It was a kind of an introduction to a magical war waged against us, one that resulted in injuries to Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Louis Saha, Darren Fletcher, Patrice Evra, Mikael Silvestre and now Gary Neville. Oh, I almost forgot Edwin van der Sar.

‘Gary Neville has ligament damage and he’ll be out for three weeks, I feel,’ said the boss.

‘It’s a blow, there’s no question about that. Wes Brown will continue now. I was actually going to leave Gary out on Monday to be honest, but Wes will definitely play now.’

Who will be Mourinho’s next target? I believe he does not have full control over his powers and can’t select the person who would ultimately suffer the injury, otherwise he would have taken Ronaldo out of contention before long. So, we have a slim hope to survive. Pray, fellow believers of the religion!