Date: 7th January 2008 at 12:25pm
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Hello and welcome for a fresh dose of wonderful transfer rumours as winter’s silly season is well and truly underway.

Start with a haughty, sulking Bulgarian who just can’t be omitted from any rumour’s column that wants to be held in a high regard. Tabloids still debate whether City, Chelsea or United are favourites to get him and the journos are quite undaunted by Berbatov’s angry outburst against these rumours, in which he stated he wants to stay at White Hart Lane. Why, god only knows…

Then there is Wes Brown. Watching Rozehnal playing right-back at Stoke convinced everyone that Newcastle United need someone for that position. But it won’t be Newcastle as United turned down the Magpies’s bid for the defender who still refuses to sign a new contract, the silly boy.

But of course the tabloids are prepared and they are ready to name Brown’s successor on the right side of our defence, even if Brown stays. It will be Alan Hutton who rejected Spurs’s approach not because he wants to stay at Rangers, oh no, he will fulfil Lee McCulloch’s prophecy that he will end up at Manchester United for Ł12m. I will eat one of my body parts of your choice if the Glazers fork out as much for a Scottish defender but who knows.

And a little bit of Portuguese flavour at the end. Deco wants to leave Barcelona who, according to him, are on a downward trajectory. And the mysterious phrase has popped up: we ‘monitor’ him. What does that mean, really? Big bearded blokes attach flat TV screens on Deco while he’s not watching? Whatever it means, keep on monitoring him just don’t sign him. Why would we need a sixth central midfielder?